Permission to suck (and little victories)

About a year ago, I heard a lot of people talking about "giving yourself permission to suck", and thought that it was a smart way to think. Take time, be patient, and the good stuff will eventually overpower the crap. For some reason, it didn't sink in. Maybe I either didn't really believe in my heart-of-hearts that I sucked, or I was just so excited with some of the images that I was creating, I forgot that they really weren't that great. Probably a little of both.

The easiest thing to see was that I had a disconnect between my taste level and my ability. At the beginning of my photo career, I was getting some really great results, and I was pumped. At right is one photo from 2007. I was excited when I took this. It's not bad, but now when I look at it, it really doesn't mean anything.

My taste was overshadowed by my enthusiasm for taking cool pictures. I bet that it happens to many aspiring photographers. I can now, for whatever reason, see the "taste-result gap" in my photos, and have re-dedicated myself to close that gap. Ira Glass from "This American Life" has an excellent talk on this subject, and gives the simple solution: work. Do the work.

For a while, I thought that I was working, trying to heed the good advice, and work through the suck. But things weren't working out like I wanted. The problem is, I can now see, is that I didn't really believe that my stuff was all that crappy.

Deep down, I counted myself as someone different, that I didn't need to worry about sucking, that I had it all down. This past weekend, I shot some real crap, and realized that I suck just like everyone else does. It wasn't the camera or the lens or the light or the subject. It was me.

In short, I know that right now in my career, I suck. That's fine, I'm OK with it; for now. I don't produce exclusively shitty work; some of it is really pretty ok. But most falls well short of my own expectations. I'm glad for that: it means that I haven't lost touch with reality, that I still have some taste, and can recognize shitty work (even if it's mine).

Producing crap is hard, but I am making a concerted effort to see the little victories each day, in each photo.

I'm going to just stop worrying and get busy getting better. Just do the work.

"Towardness"

I just finished one of the best books I have ever read. I am generally a pretty tough critic, but this was just amazing: "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace. I very highly recommend it.

One passage really spoke to me. In this bit, the speaker is discussing a filmmaker's work.

The man's Work was amateurish... Was amateurish the right word? More like the work of a brilliant optician and technician who was amateur at any kind of real communication. Technically gorgeous, the Work, with lighting and angles planned out to a frame. But oddly hollow, empty, with no sense of dramatic towardness -- no narrative movement toward a real story, no emotional movement toward an audience.

This struck me, as so many pictures I have taken have nothing in them. There is no towardness. I now realize that this is the reason I'm unhappy with my photos. I must strive to tell a story, something, at least, with each frame.

In my mind, this type of communication to the viewer is more important than the technical aspect. A photo can stand on it's own if it speaks to the audience, but is not technically perfect. A perfect photo that says nothing is usually pretty, but that's all.

On a personal note, I've changed jobs since I last posted here. I am very excited about the change of scenery. I am still in the retail industry, but hope that this career move will help to recharge my personal battery, as it were, and allow me to begin to see things in a different light. I am going to strive to post more often, and make this a useful place to visit, if for nobody but me.

Roadmap

This article is a pretty good place to keep the conversation going. According to Simon Norfolk:

Soon we’ll all be amateur photographers with real money-making jobs on the side that we don’t tell our colleagues about. We need to get over the snobbery attached to that.

I will probably always be an amateur photographer, and this site is dedicated to my desire to take the best photos that I can, as well as excel at my real job.

This post serves as a road map as far as I can currently see. Which is to say, not too far:

• Work-life balance, a decidedly non-photographic topic, but oh-so important.
• Missed opportunities, and what it means to not take the shot when you see it.
• Not being afraid to suck. Most people really do suck, at least at some point, but there is so much fear of sucking. I want to embrace my suck-iness.
• Finding your voice as a photographer.
• Inspiration, and what it means to be inspired

I know that this site isn't going to be my answer for everything, but it will become my own personal place to shine my own shoes, and become a better photographer.

Preface and Purpose

Contrary to the title of this blog, it is not about taking photos for a living, but is about not taking photos for a living. The gross majority of people taking pictures these days are not getting paid for them. They have to have another career.

I am one of those people. I enjoy photography, but have a full time job as well. I started this blog to have a platform to discuss all things photographic, and how to fit those things into an already overstuffed life.

I an not under the illusion that I have the answers. I have some ideas, and hope that by having a place to discuss them, those ideas will improve, which will lead to more and better photos, as well as a more fulfilled life.